Sadness Overwhelmes Me Today

Good Morning Everyone. Sadness Overwhelmes me today. We lost my brother Billy yesterday. He leaves a wife, a 3 year old child and a very sad family. His time had come and despite all of his efforts to stay on this earth, God wanted him back.

How do we deal with this sadness? First comes grief, that's where I am right now, next I expect anger. But who am I going to be angry with. Certainly not God. Certainly not my brother. Who do I place blame on? Because isn't that what we do when we have no control over circumstance. Am I mourning for myself. That I will never see or speak to my oldest brother again who was full of love for his child and wife. What will I tell his little girl? How will his wife go on without him?

This is a tough one.

I think we create bubbles around our lives, always feeling for those who lose loved ones, but this is my first time I've lost someone so close. Do I think he will be okay? Absolutely! He is in the light, explaining himself at the gate. If I know Billy, he and St. Peter are having a good chuckle. But what happens to all those who mourn him. We are not chuckling now, but, I am sure that sooner than later, my thoughts of sadness and pain will be replaced with fond memories, gratitude and love for my brother who, despite his drawbacks was a wonderful person.

I write my blog today because I know that if I put my feelings out there in the universe, my higher power will grab on to them and take them. I send my love on the wings of the eagle up to Heaven where my brother will grab hold of them and wait patiently for us all to meet him there one day. He will walk with me as I live out this wonderful life that I have been blessed with. He will guide me on the path of love and light as I so desperately try to guide others. He will console me tomorrow when I sit with my family grieving. Although he will be lifeless in sight, his spirit will be dancing beside me. Making silly noises and faces. Doing the things I will remember him for.

I am sad, there is no doubt. But I know that I will be okay and that all of us who will forever miss Billy will be alright. After all, for us, life goes on! How will we choose to move forward? Will we live in a blanket of fear and self doubt? Afraid to love so when we lose it doesn't affect us? Or will we choose to put ourselves out there and give all of the love and gifts that we've been blessed with, taking the chance that we may lose again? I choose the latter. Because I choose to be human today. I choose to soar with the eagles. I hope you all can join me there in that place of living.

I thank you all for your support and good wishes. I thank my God for his gifts. And I say a final farewell to my brother who I loved so much. He always loved to hear me sing. This morning I sat on my back deck and said, "Well Bill, now I will sing to you whenever you want." All of my songs are for him. He's in the arms of the angels. He's finally found comfort there.