The Discomfort Zone

Good Morning Everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend. We got together with friends and went to the ocean. It was great. I couldn't help but find myself thinking of this chapter (The Discomfort Zone) in my book. I'll get back to that in a minute.

One of my favorite parts of the day is at night. I get into bed, the AC is on (in summer), lay my head down on my favorite pillow, and watch what I want to watch on the boob tube. This is my comfort zone. But, sometimes, I get into bed, get all comfortable, and the remote is on the dresser. The effort it takes to get me up out of bed to get that remote is remarkable. I almost consider not getting up because I am sooooo comfortable. I mention this because I want to illustrate the difference between comfort and discomfort in my life. I could very well just lay there and not get that remote, but that would sort of ruin my favorite part of the day. Or, I could get up (it takes 3 seconds) get that remote and be in total bliss.

How many of you see this situation in your lives? How many of you would rather stay in your little box, never venturing out to do something that would clearly be more uplifting, because it may take a little more effort? I am guilty of this. Back to this weekend.

I originally said I didn't want to go to the ocean because it was just easier to go to the lake. The lake is 15 minutes away. I wouldn't have to pack as much and I would feel "safer" being close to home. Knowing fully well that everyone in my family would have a much better time at the ocean. So, I made up some excuses why it was better to go to the lake. But guess what? My belly barometer started going. I knew deep down in my belly that I was disappointing my family. How selfish. All because I wanted to stay in my "comfort zone."

So......I decided to suck it up and take that two hour trip to the ocean. And what to my wondering eyes did appear, but the beautiful ocean so clean and so clear. We had a fantastic time. I stepped out of my box and realized that although I wanted to take the easier path, the more difficult (or so I thought) road turned out to be a much better decision. Everyone in my family had a great time, including myself, and we all lived a little better that day. And, isn't that what is what we are all seeking? To have better lives, full of joy and passion. Not just staying in our little comfortable boxes, never making any effort to try something new or different, even though we would like to?

Today, I want you to look inside yourselves and notice how many times you make the decision to stay in your "comfort zone." You may be surprised that it happens pretty often. Making that phone call to someone you've been avoiding, go for that walk that you've been avoiding, telling yourself how beautiful you are in that mirror.

My wish for you today is to live just a little more. Make that effort and you will notice the change. I promise!

Standing by your convictions?

Good Morning Everyone. Sometimes I find that I second guess my decisions related to the children, my life path, my hair color, etc. As a mother, it easy to wonder, "Am I doing this right?" When we are engulfed with internet, television, radio and press telling us the way we should be raising them, it's hard not to want to be like everyone else. I found that when I first moved from the Bronx, NY to Connecticut, that this was happening. All of a sudden I was around all of these women who had opinions about everything. Although I was happy to have women to talk to about the kids, I found myself changing the way I did things knowing what the right way was.

What I am saying is that no matter what I do to be socially and politically correct, I always go back to the way I know is right. It's wasted energy on my part. The conclusion I've come to after many different paths is that I must stand by my convictions. Mothers know innately what they need to do to raise their families, but we get clouded by all of the others that know better.

Take this book. I know that their will be women out there who love it, and those that may hate it. But, if I stand by my convictions and the principles I use in this book, I will continue to feel powerful as a woman. And guess who will learn that they must do what they know is right? My children. That's right! They learn by example. We think they don't know what's going on, but they absolutely know. And they follow. I can hear it in the way that they interract with each other. I can hear my words coming out of their mouths. Sometimes I smile and sometimes I shudder. But, guess what, I am not perfect and neither are they.

Today, I want you to think about something that you've been on the fence about. What decision or change have you been wanting to make, that you haven't made because it may not be "right." Follow your heart and know that you have the power within to do what you know is right. Remember, we all make mistakes. So if your decision isn't the right one, well, that's the great thing about life. We have the control to change certain things. So, go on, do it!

Journling For Sanity!

There are many different ways for us to relieve stress in our daily lives. Some people choose negative ways to do this. They either drink, smoke, shop, etc. But, what are some of the positive ways that we can do this? What are some of the ways we can get the junk that's holding us back from realizing true happiness (or at least feeling okay) for that day?

For most of us, our lives are very busy and we don't have or make a lot of free time to do the things that we really like. For instance, some of you may like to paint, play music, scult, run, etc. But, in those moments when I feel like my head is going to pop off my body, I can't say, "Wait kids. I'm going to play my guitar for an hour!" What I've learned is that writing is a great tool to relieve my stress and get rid of my junk.

Writing or journaling is a wonderful way to let go of your nonsense. You don't have to write a chapter or sound eloquent. You don't have to make a grand statement or be politically correct. Let's face it, I am not Maya Angelou. But, I am Kerri and when Kerri is stuff up with feelings, she writes. This especially works when you are going through a really hard time. Ladies, you get my drift.

For today, I want you to just get a little writing pad or even post its. When you start to get jammed up, just write down the feeling. If something wonderful happens, write it down.

I used to write things on little pieces of paper and stick them in my jewelry box. A few months ago, I was cleaning out some clutter and I found a note I wrote about 3 years ago. My little son Domenic and his sister Anna (a year apart in age) were playing. My son decided to get them yogurt (I had no idea) and he began to call her. I came out of my room and found two little cups of yogurt with two little spoons sitting on the table. My son was standing next to Anna trying to wake her up. My heart swelled with joy, love, pride and sadness for my little son who wanted to share a snack with his little sister. Although this may seem small and not that big a deal, for me it was wonderful. So.........I wrote it down. Now, when I am a little angry at those kids who are now 7 and 6 and by the way, I have a 3 year old also, and they're screaming at each other for the remote, I think of those two little cups of yogurt and I smile.

Take some time for yourself. It will change your day, your life, and the lives of those around you.

A little review...........

Good morning. I was sitting here this morning thinking about this blog. When I began writing it, it was solely for the purpose of selling my book. But, in the short time that I've been posting it, it has become something else. It is no longer just a sales tool. It has become a part of my morning routine. I look forward to reaching out to all of you that have come here every day and read. I wake up and think about what is on my mind, and am able to write about it. What a beautiful thing!

I am blessed to be able to begin my day with positive thoughts. Positive thoughts will follow you throughout the day. I look at the title of the book, What a difference a day makes, and wonder how true. Think about what was consuming you yesterday. How are you feeling today? Are you feeling the same way? Or, have you been able to put that aside and start new today. Will you call someone in your life this morning who is not toxic? Have you been listening to people instead of just talking? Have you looked at your spouse in a different way, knowing that we are different? Have you looked in the mirror, every morning, and said "I am beautiful!" Did you write down you successes last night focussing on your wins?

All these tools I've been listing in my blogs are your ticket to finding your power within. You are capable of becoming everything you've always wanted to be. Don't be afraid! We are all worth taking a few minutes a day to work on ourselves.

I truly appreciate all of your support and am learning more about myself every day. I am very grateful for this opportunity.

On your mark, get set, Obsess!

Well, well, well......So I've written a book and it was published. At times in my life I realize that although good things happen, the rest of our lives cannot fall at the wayside. I've been so engrossed in the book lately that I noticed the floor has gotten dirty, the clothes are backing up and I have a little less patience for my beautiful kiddies. What's happened? I'll tell you......obsession!

What to do, what to do, what to do? The most important thing in life is balance. What is balance? It's the place where we feel that everything is even. That all of the aspects of our lives are being taken care of. Or at least paid attention to. How do we know how much is enough to give. Well, we know. I call it the belly barometer. When my belly barometer sounds off, then I know something isn't right.

The hardest part of it all is to remember that we have good intentions. These are all good things. Take a step back and look at the big picture. Refocus, and move forward with what needs to be done. It isn't that difficult to reset the balance. It takes a little courage and a whole lot of honesty with yourself.

Revisit the places that have been forgotten for a while. Understand that you are human, and are allowed to get a little wacky every once in a while. But, above all, continue to know that you are yourself for a reason. You are loved for a reason. You are happy or unhappy for a reason. The most wonderful thing is that we have the ability to change many things in our lives. Although, it's the things we cannot change that kill us.

In my book I talk about focussing once a day on the things that we were successful at that day. To realize that no matter how small the achievement was that day, it was a success. For some of us, that can be a million dollar business deal, and for others it can be mopping the floor or reading to the kids.

Tonight, I want you to think about five things you did today, no matter how small, that you were proud of. Write them down and understand that we are all successful every day. If you do this every night for a week, you will begin to feel your power within. Because remember, we are all powerful, some of us just need to tap into it.

You will begin to see the small accomplishments however unimportant they may
seem to others. Remember, we are not measuring ourselves up to someone else. We are looking only at ourselves. Be careful not to compare yourself to anyone. It won’t work. Find what is important in your life. You will find that you will be happier with yourself. You will be brighter and see more light in your life.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Do you love yourself?

Good Morning everyone. This morning I woke up and thought about how far I've come with my self esteem. Not too long ago, if I walked past a mirror, I didn't want to look at it because I would be disgusted. I found that I was constantly comparing and sizing myself up against other women.

As a little girl, I always wanted to look like someone else. I wanted to look like a little princess, but every time I had my picture taken, they said, "look at the camera and smile freckleface." Constantly being compared to Pippi Longstocking started to get old pretty fast. So as a child my discomfort and failure to see the true beauty within me began.

The journey to become someone else other than myself was long and tiring. This feeling about myself was reflected in any relationship I was in with a man. So I don't need to tell anyone that they didn't last. One of the greatest lessons I've learned through writing this book was that I will never be able to love anyone until I love myself. There are three things that needs to be recognized if we are to be truly happy with ourselves. 1) I know who I am. 2) I know who I can be. 3) I know who I will never be.

Knowing who I am has brought me a new freedom. I may be a few pounds overweight. I may look a little older than I'd like, but I am me. And I am surrounded by people who love me. When they look at me, they don't cringe, so why would I do that to myself.

Today I would like you to look in the mirror and say out loud, "I am beautiful." Do it every day for 90 days. You will find that after a few days, you will begin to giggle after you say it and feel good. Make it a habit of liking yourself and eventually you will love yourself.

When we declare our intentions to the world, we put those words out into the
universe. They become real. We hear them and process them.
Eventually we believe them. When that happens, we have raised ourselves up
a notch on the ladder of life.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women.

Let's Talk About Sex! (sort of)

Good Morning everyone. Have you ever wondered to yourself why your husband is so miserable? He doesn't listen to you. He doesn't remember anything you say to him. He doesn't seem to be interested. Well, I have news for all of you. You're right! Men are different from women. I'll say it again. Men are different from women. No matter how white you keep his socks, and how unwrinkled his shirts are, if you do not have sex with him, it won't matter. Men understand action. They appreciate our efforts to keep their house, raise their children, etc. But, they only have three main focuses in their lives. To feed, shelter and have nooky. They are really like cavemen. It instinctual and there is nothing you can do about it.

Women have different needs than men. Look at your children. My son is happy when I give him what he wants to eat, have his clothes clean and leave him alone. My daughters want hugs and attention. They need to know and be reminded that they are loved. My son just knows. He doesn't need to be reminded.

Back to the grown ups. If we don't have sex with our husbands, significant others, they don't feel wanted. That's right ladies! They do have feelings. Women feel tired at night and to many women (not all of us) sex is not a priority. Let's face it. After a day with the kids or at work, we're tired. Sleep is what we want.

Today I want you all to really think about the last time you were intimate with your man. Do you notice a difference in his attitude toward you. If not, then pay attention. You'll see the difference. Those dishes not being done won't seem so important to him if he's been loved the night before. (or morning)

Here’s a scenario I want you to consider. It’s been a while since you fooled around. I’m saying a month or so. You feel like he’s distant. You don’t talk that much or hug that much. You feeling down about yourself because he hasn’t been noticing you. So, you practically sterilize the house because you clean it so well. You make sure the kids are all together and calm when he gets home. You make his favorite dinner. The kids are in bed early. That is awesome. Then, at bedtime, he gets in there are rubs you in his special way and you are asleep. Ladies, everything you did that day has just fell out of his brain forever!!!!!!

Now, consider this scenario. Same feelings as before, same situation. But you don’t clean the house that day as well. The kids are lunatics as usual and you have him bring home pizza for dinner. At bedtime, when he turns to rub you in his special way, you’re bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to go. SHAZAAM!!!!!!! You’ve finally figured it out.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Who do you surround yourself with?

Every morning I wake up, get the kids what they need, have a cup of coffee and make my phone call. I can't impress upon you how important it is to be in contact, every day, with someone who you can talk to. Whether it be about your children, spouse, work, problems, or just to talk about the weather. You need positive people in your life.

I know we all have people in our lives. Are they healthy? Do they hold you up when you are down? Do they listen when you just need to talk? If you're thinking that your spouse is that one and only person than you are probably placing too much dependence on them.

If the person you speak to is someone that, when you hang up, you feel worse than you did before, than they are "toxic". I say toxic because many of us have a difficult time being in honest relationship with others. That means that we are so used to being talked at rather than talked to that we just keep this relationship going. Why do we do that? When you finally find your "power" these toxic relationships will cease to exist. Once you begin to truly love yourself you won't subject yourself to this negative energy. You'll begin to surround yourself with people that build you up. We do need each other. If you're one of those people who say you don't need anyone, you're fooling yourself. We all need someone we can count on.

Make one call today to someone you trust. Be honest and listen to what they have to say. When you become honest you will unlock a freedom within yourself. Remember, noone can love you until you honesly love yourself.

The key is to surround yourself with positive women. Now I know that everyone in your “secret circle” are not always positive, but that is the beauty of having a network of women. Not just one “best friend” to confide in and get support from. I call it the “secret circle” because this group of women do not have to know each other, be friends with each other or even have anything in common. In fact, it is better if the latter is the case. Then, you never have to be concerned with anyone “talking” about what you are saying. The other aspect of the network is unconditional support. When two people have a foundation of support in which they are always on the same page, the support is unconditional. You are there for each other without the ties of outside issues or other individuals.

Excerpt from "What a Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Listen Up!!!!

How many of you have conversations every day? Do you find that at the end of that conversation, you feel drained? Was it like a battle of the stories, talking over each other, trying to get a word in? Sometimes, I find myself talking so much that my head is spinning. I might as well make a tape recording of my voice and play it over and over and over.

The point I am trying to make is that listening is so important. With all of the conversations I have in a day, it’s difficult to measure how much I’ve actually listened. What a disservice it is to those I am talking to. In my experience, I have learned that if I stop and actually listen to people, I am a much better communicator. I hear things that are important and that I can use to get through my day, or a problem I am having.

I find that when I actively listen, I mean really listen to those I am speaking with, I am building an honest and trusting relationship. I can know that I have given those I am in relationship with the respect that they deserve to actually want to know what they have to say.

Try not to talk so much today. Try to listen to what people are saying to you. Be it your spouse, children, parent, etc. You’ll find that you’ve been missing out. Put your problems aside and listen. It will give you gratitude for your life. You’ll be empowered. I promise!

Becoming a more effective and active listener is even harder then the latter. It is somuch easier to counsel than to be counseled. To react than to resist. To judge rather than be judged. Listening is a gift. To listen effectively in an honest relationship is the best gift we can give to each other. As children, we are constantly looking for attention. We are “attention addicts.” Any way I could get attention was the way for me. For example, when a child is listening to a story being read, how many times do they raise their hands to explain what is going on and how it relates to their lives. Rather than listening to the story, they feel the need to tell the reader every experience they’ve had that is similar to the story. I see this in adults all
the time.

Pay attention the next time you are on the telephone with a loved one or friend. Are you really listening to what they are saying or are you thinking of every way it relates to you. If we can take a little bit of everything we hear from others and put it to work in our lives, we are able to open our minds to other ideas. There are many opportunities that present themselves to us on a daily basis. I believe that the answers to all of my questions come through people. Many times, the answers come from people I would least expect to have the answers. One needs to be able to interpret and understand the message in the “here and now” without allowing preconceived notions to filter and distort the intentions of the person you are communicating with.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Focus on the small stuff!

Sometimes I get so caught up in the big stuff. The bills, the house, world peace, etc. I find that I ignore the little things that make my and my family's life comfortable. I step over the laundry, ignore the dust on the floor, throw the covers on the bed. I don't realize how important the little things are like sitting on the couch with the kids or just sitting outside with them while they splash in the pool. It's an awful thing to wake up at 6:00AM, start focusing on some nonsense, and realize at 5:00PM that the whole day went by and you didn't do anything to make your life better all day.

We have to sometimes look at small picture and sit with it for a while to be grateful for what we have right now.

Did you ever notice that when you want to get someone’s attention, be it your spouse, child, employer, etc., they usually don’t pay attention. One of the problems I find being a woman is that I tend to seek approval. Therefore, whatever and whenever I say something or tell someone something I’ve accomplished, I am fishing. We all know what fishing is. It’s when we say things out loud hoping for a pat on the back. The day that I didn’t have to “fish” anymore was like liberation. To be able to accomplish personal goals or overcome internal and/or external obastacles and not have to tell everyone about it is totally awesome. This is a quiet satisfaction. At first, I was a little anxious. It’s almost like a drug. That reaction from others. It’s like a fix. When you don’t get it, you don’t know what to do with yourself. We’re all really like children. When we don’t get positive reinforcement we start doing things to get any attention. Why bother doing things that are really cool and not be able to tell anyone. I’ll tell you why, because on the day that you can truly be content with yourself and your accomplishments and not have to get reinforcement from others is the day you are free and have found humility.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Wake up and Smell the Possibilities!

Everyday I wake up with a lot of different emotions. I roll out of bed, the kids are usually still sleeping (which is a good thing) and I sit for a few moments and think. (meditate)
This morning was no different. I was bombarded with the "need to do's" and "I have to's" and "I can't believe's". All these little phrases that pop in my head lead me to a negative space. I start my day thinking of all the things I haven't achieved yet.

This is where my book comes in. What can I do to start over in an instant. Meditation is one, but sometimes that just takes the edge off. Another tool I use is a very simple one. Everyone has the power within themselves but they don't tap into it. I just visualize myself putting all of those "problems" in a bubble and letting them float away. Then, I visualize myself doing all the things that seem unattainable at this point in my life. It's very similar to the slogan "fake it till you make it". Many of us know where that came from. It works. Try it.

I want to focus this morning on something that I have been feeling lately. I have been on a roller coaster ride in life for a long time now. At first, I struggled with these events. I always think of Forrest Gump when he said, "Life is like a box of chocotales, you never know what you're gonna get." Trying to control things is very toxic. So many things in life are beyond our control, yet we still try to control everything. We are like dogs chasing our tails ending with the same results. When I finally realized that most events in life are beyond my control, I tap into my power. I focus on the things that I can control like, my state of mind. Viewing life through rose colored glasses is fine as long as we take care of the things that need to be done.
Today I feel rosy!

My system is for anyone who wants to live a balanced and peaceful
life. You will learn how to live every day to the fullest through letting
go of everyday issues that cloud your life. You will be pleasantly
surprised to know that this system is so easy, it is almost laughable. As
you go through the process, you’ll wonder why you never thought of it
yourself. But, that is just it! We don’t think of these things on
our own. We need each other!!!!
L et me begin by saying that life does not have to be a struggle. As human beings, it is our nature to constantly second guess ourselves. Letting go of sadness, pain, self doubt, low self esteem and learning how to laugh at ourselves and have fun is the key to a positive and empowering life. Feelings of anger from childhood, resentment towards our parents, fear of intimacy and the “not good enough” syndrome lead us to misunderstand our current state of emotion.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women"

Today is a New Day!!!!

Good morning everyone. It is 7:00AM, my children are still sleeping and I am reveling in the silence. In my book "What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide For Women" I talk about Meditating for Wisdom. People find it extremely difficult to meditate. One of the top reasons for this is that they cannot find the "quiet" time. As I explain in the book, meditation does not have to be in a beautiful setting, with birds singing and breezes blowing, yada, yada, yada. You have to take any opportunity you have to sit back, clear your mind and just listen. Visualize what you want in life and be grateful for what you already have. It is a wonderful, uplifting feeling and it can change your day in an instant. Try it, you'll feel the change.

It was brought to my attention yesterday that although my book is geared toward women, that there are many men who could also benefit from the book since they are also often isolated and alone, raising families, etc. I don't want to ignore those men in this universe who feel the way I and many women do. My book can benefit anyone who would like to change their lives from negativity and sometimes despair, to living in the path of love and light. Take the path and you will clearly find your way and begin to love yourself as we all should.

For those of you who are so jammed up that even laying still for a moment makes you nervous, you need this more that anyone. The time factor is another reason why many people cannot meditate. I look at meditation as just a time to sit still and clear up. When I think of a free thinking moment, or non-thinking moment, I think of driving. A good percent of the
time we are sitting at traffic lights, waiting for school buses, sitting in children’s bedrooms with an aversion to sleep, taking showers or baths (if we’re lucky) etc. The list goes on. There are many different things we can do to “meditate.” Just taking the time out to relax. By relax, I
mean sit still! I know that sitting still for me used to immediately prompt my body to go into sleep mode. If I sat for more than 5 minutes throughout my hectic day, I felt like sleeping. But as with any habit, once your body becomes accustomed to relaxing at one or more points during the day, you will be able to do so and come out feeling rested and ready to continue your daily tasks. Now I know you’re all thinking, “She’s crazy. When am I gonna do that?” Just remember that I’ve been where you are and I know how you feel. All I know is that when I’m calmer, everybody else around me seems calmer.

Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day
Makes: A Survival Guide For Women"

Let's start working!

I am learning more and more every day about this blogging thing. Yesterday I posted my first blog. It was exciting to see my book up on the page. I hope that some of you will read these postings and find them helpful. When I first started writing the book, I had a completely different idea. It started as a pamphlet. I wanted to start a seminar for women and needed something to describe my ideas and the principles I lay out in the book.

Once I started writing I couldn't stop and presto, a book was born.

I am very excited about the book because I am a mother of three small children and often feel isolated and alone. I started to use the principles slowly and over time and realized that if they work for me then they would work for all women, mothers or not, who have these same feelings.

So, I decided to post a little excerpt from my new book every day in this blog. Maybe it will inspire some other women (and men) to begin living in their power.
That is my goal. I just want people to read the book, I think it can help.

Here we go!!!

When you open yourself up to other women and a
Circle of Sisterhood, a new world presents itself.
Would you like to be emotionally happy?
Would you like to be emotionally happy as soon as
possible?

Well then hold on to your boot straps, because you are about
to go on the ride of your life. If you remain open and willing to do what it takes, then you are on your way to a life free from emotional detention. A life beyond your wildest dreams.

My life has taken me down different paths. The system I an introducing in this book is a cultivation of all of my experiences.
These tools are what I use and have used on a daily basis throughout my life and stuggles. These tools have enabled me to live a life beyond my wildest dreams. I know that if you follow these principles and put them into motion in your own life, that you can and will reep the same emotional rewards that I have. I am sure that no matter where you are in your life, that this system can help you reach anything you set your mind to.

If you would like to purchase "What a Difference A Day Makes" please go to:

www.amazon.com or www.publishamerica.com.

My First Day Blogging

Well, this is the first day I am blogging about my new book, "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women". I am so excited to have a book published because I am a mother of three small children and finally have a voice. I think that this book can really help women and mothers who are lost in their small world of motherdom.

I hope some of you will read this book and find that you all have the power within to be a beautiful, fullfilled woman.
Happy Reading!!!!!

My life has taken me down different paths. The system I am introducing in this book is a cultivation of all of my experiences. These tools are what I use and have used on a daily basis throughout my life and stuggles. These tools have enabled me to live a life beyond my wildest dreams. I know that if you follow these principles and put them into motion in your own life, that you can and will reep the same emotional rewards that I have. I am sure that no matter where you are in your life, that this system can help you reach anything you set your mind to.
Excerpt from "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide
for Women."
To purchase book go to www.amazon.com.