Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What is this Feeling and How Can I Get Rid of It?????

Hey everyone. I wanted to let you all know that my interview with ArtistFirst Network is available for listening. Just go to www.artistfirst.com and click on Archives. Scroll down to Authors and then down to Kerri Cartelli. Click on my name and your computer will begin to download the file. It will open in your media player on your computer. I hope you all listen. It helps those who don’t know me to see where I am coming from and how I actually think about things. For those who have listened already, I say thank you.


I was looking at the headlines last night on the news. I found myself feeling for those victims of Hurricane Katrina. Last year when it happened, although I felt for the victims who lost loved ones, I couldn’t identify with them because I had never lost a loved one. This years as some of you may know, I lost my brother a few weeks ago, so, I am now able to at least identify with the feeling of loss.

So, how do you deal with grief? Do you shut down? The other day I was talking with a woman who is dealing with sadness. She hasn’t lost a loved one, but she was very sad due to a breakup. One of the main issues she was having was not feeling better. We try to feel better and better and better. My suggestion to her was to stop TRYING to feel BETTER! I think, and this is only my opinion from my experience, that when we are grieving for any reason or going through a situation, that our first reaction is to try not to feel. I know from my life, that whenever I try not to feel the feelings, I feel worse for longer.

I say that if we stopped trying to not feel, we would feel better faster. (Say that 10x fast) when the emotions come, we need to feel them. Having positive ways to vent our feelings are very important. If crying is the outcome, then I say “cry your eyes out.” If anger is the problem, than find a positive outlet to vent your anger. Like I said the other day, I have an actual punching bag in the basement. I scream in my pillow. Clean the house. That always has a good outcome.

Try to see the emotion as a way of releasing the negative feelings. Remember that tire that is going to explode? Emotions that are shoved down will eventually come out however they can. In my book What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women, there is a chapter called the Discomfort Zone (The Stuffing Factor). It’s all about issues like these and others that we subconsciously avoid.

My intention for you all today, is to feel those feelings. Don’t be afraid of them. Here is a quote that I wanted to share with all of you today.
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.
Quote by Leo Buscaglia

And always remember, We are in this Together!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Visualize, visualize, visualize......................

Hey Everyone. I was sitting here this morning, very early, out on my back porch thinking about things. Today’s the first day of school for my two oldest. Oh, wait a minute, I’m having heart palpitations……….alright I’m okay. I’m just so excited. Anyway, I like to get up before the kids wake up and all hell breaks loose, and sit in peace and quiet. Just for a little while. I have to be very quiet because God forbid Mommy’s up without them. Okay, enough of that.

There’s something I try to do every morning. It may sound a little weird to some of you, but I’ll put it out there anyway. I sit in the back, close my eyes, and send my intentions out into the universe. Now, your universe can be whatever you want it to be. My universe is God, the spirits, etc. So, I close my eyes and visualize what it is I would like to happen. Be clear, I am not praying and hoping something will happen. I am expecting things to happen. Because I learned a while ago that if I put the expectation or intention out into the universe and I always do the right thing (Karma, Golden Rule, etc) the right thing will happen. For example, every morning when I close my eyes I visualize myself being introduced on the Oprah show as a new, up and coming author. Well, it could happen. She loves, mothers, teachers, women, etc. Hey, you never know.

I talk about intentions in my book, What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women. And what I say in the book is that you should stand up, and say specific things to get them into your mind. It sort of falls under the same principal. If you put it out there in the universe, it comes back at you.

Today, I want you to put out an intention. Close your eyes and think of what it is you want or better yet, what you need. Visualize what it will look like when this something happens. Picture it in your mind and feel the feelings. Really get into it. You will actually find yourself smiling. And, the most important thing, feeling great.

Have a great day and woo hoo to all you moms whose kids are going to school today. Now the real work to find your Power Within can really begin.

And always remember, we are in this together!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Just relax!!!!!!!Come find your Power Within!

Hey Everyone. I hope you all had a great weekend. Here in CT it was raining the whole weekend. What a way to start the school year.

I know for a lot of you out there, school is starting tomorrow. Whenever I think of school starting, I think of that STAPLES commercial with the guy pushing the shopping cart and the track in the background is playing, “It’s the most wonderful time, of the year.” I find that commercial the most fitting to how I feel when school starts. I think I am the only mother dancing in the street when the school bus pulls away. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more that anything but……come on……two whole months of mommy, mommmy, mommmmmmy……enough is enough!!!!!

Today I want to talk about relaxing. Remember the blog I wrote about releasing pressure or stress from your body. I compared it to a tire. You have to let it out slowly.

How do you de-stress? Do you wait until your tires about to explode? Or do you, every so often, take a little break from reality for a few moments? Maybe go out for a walk, (only if you actually like to walk), watch a movie ALONE, read a book, etc. Yesterday I made a really good dinner for the family. After we ate, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion. I said out loud, “I am lying down on the couch!” And do I did. I didn’t feel guilty that my husband had to clear the table, or bathe the kids. I slept for an hour. The kids were yelling, my husband was working in the kitchen, but I slept. What a wonderful de-stressor that was. When I woke up, I was that much more grateful for my family. I was happy to be alive and feeling calm.

What do you think would have happened if I didn’t nap? I probably would have been nasty to everyone because I was tired.

Now I know that you all don’t have the luxury of a husband to let you sleep, but I am trying to make the point that any little thing helps. Take the time for yourself and just relax.

My intention for you all today is to spend a little time de-stressing. Whatever it takes for you to feel recharged, just a little. Because after all, if mommy’s not happy, no one is.

Visit my website. I have a free gift for anyone who purchases my book, What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women, through the website. I think you’ll like it.

And always remember, we’re in this together!

kerri

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Do you feel like Pluto? Are you lonesome tonight?

What does someone do when they are lonely? Do they rent sad movies? Do they buy an animal to them company? Do they sit where they live day in and day out waiting for someone to call to hang out or feel sorry for themselves? What would you do?

What bout those people who are in relationship? They have what they wanted. They are surrounded by people who “love” them. Why would they feel this way? It doesn’t make sense, does it?

Oh yeah, and there are those people who can be in a room with a hundred people and still feel lonely. What about them?

I have to say that it is okay to feel lonely. It’s human emotion. It means we need some human contact. But, there are people who no matter what they do, still feel alone. And feeling alone in this big world full of people is a bad place to be! Something feels missing inside of us. So, we go out and find someone, anyone or anything to fill that up. That’s when the problems begin. Depending on how you choose to fill up that space can either help you on the path to finding your Power Within, or it can put you in a place that is very, very dangerous. Your mind!!!

The issue is that most of the people who are feeling alone or lonely don’t even know it. These feelings are replaced with other emotions. Some may be angry. You know those people, angry at the world. Some may be fearful. That friend of yours who never wants to venture out of her/his bubble. Some may be waaaayy to friendly. I’m sure everyone knows them! I’m talking about self esteem. That’s right, I said it. The self esteem word. The psychological mumbo jumbo word. Well, guess what, it’s true. I heard someone say the other day that the only place to get self esteem is from you. Hence, SELF esteem. How can we get that from ourselves if we are always seeking out approval from other people? How is it possible to find self esteem if we live and breath by what someone in our life thinks of us? Newsflash………we don’t!

Now, a lot of us have self esteem issue. I’m too fat, I’m too short, I’m too skinny, I’m too tall, I’m too old, I’m too young, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!

It wouldn’t be unusual to not like something about ourselves. It’s normal to want to improve on you, in fact, it’s healthy. But, these feelings don’t make or break decisions in life that would lead to happiness. I don’t skip the party because I haven’t lost those ten pounds yet. I wear what fits, doll myself up and have a blast. Because most people don’t notice what we think are flaws unless we notice them. Do you get where I am going with this? Yet some people just plain don’t like themselves. That is not good. That is not healthy. That is definitely not self esteem.

All right, let’s talk about how we can take some baby steps to change this. The first thing we should do is recognize that we are feeling these emotions. Are they misplaced? Are we putting these feelings of loneliness on some other issue in our lives? Many mothers whose husbands are out traveling all the time may not see this. They may start to search for something else in their life to fill up the space that not seeing or being with the person they love with something else. If this is the case, realize it and pay attention to how you can change they way you are behaving. Communication is key here so talk it out with him and find ways to connect although he isn’t there. Find your Circle of Sisterhood and connect with them. They will understand. I you don’t know what the C.O.S. is, the read my book.

For those of you, who continuously find yourselves involved with idiots, look at yourselves very closely. Many times, we seek out anyone to fill up that space. We are afraid to not be with someone. We need to feel needed. How many of you can identify with that??? Look around you. Look to those who are in your life that you’ve forgotten. Re-connect with family, and if you don’t have that outlet, then, I’ll say it again, find your Circle of Sisterhood and use them as a tools to move away form the negative influences in your life.

Well folks, today was a very long blog. I apologize for its length but this subject is something that needs to be addressed. If you find yourself nodding your head while you’ve read this, I say start moving. Read What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women and equip yourself with the tools (found in the book) to move toward the person you’ve always wanted to be or thought you were already.

My intention for you today is to stop seeking out approval from everyone else in your life. Start to see the beauty that is you. Look in the mirror (I’ve said this before) and tell yourself that you love you. Remember, feeling silly isn’t the worst thing that can happen in a day.

And always remember, we’re in this together.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Change your thoughts.......live in your power

Hey Everyone. Yesterday didn’t turn out as bad as I expected. It became a sunny, beautiful day. I hope you all had the opportunity to feel some peace and enjoy the day.

Yesterday I was speaking with a woman who is facing a dilemma. She is living in a situation that is in contrast to where she would like to be. The problem is having deal with a person whom she does not meet eye to eye with. Consequently, they are at odds and she has no choice but to conform and bear it. Which leads me to my topic.

I truly feel that in order to feel joyous and let go of issues that you have no control over, you must, as our mothers always said, choose your battles. For many of us, this is very difficult as our first impulse is to defend ourselves. But as many of you know, this is not always conducive to a peaceful existence.

So how do we deal with situations such as these, without losing our cool and our peace of mind? Well, knowing the situation this woman is in, I gave her some suggestions that I thought would help her pull herself out of the moment without having to react. I suggested that when she starts to feel out of control, that she say one phrase in her mind that would pull her out of the situation mentally. We all do this from time to time, but how beneficial is this when you are letting your mind enter “rumble mode.” You all know what “rumble mode” is. It’s when something happens and you start to play out the situation in your head. You write a whole script in your mind about what has, can and will happen before it even occurs. The only place this thinking will lead you is into being powerless.

Finding your “Power Within” is closer than you think. When you can change your thinking on a dime, you have great power. Because isn’t it really how we think that leads us to how we feel? Isn’t it true that when we are in a “good mood” things just don’t bother us as much? Can you truly say that your little devil isn’t speaking to you most of the time? Evict that little devil, change your thoughts with positive intentions and you choose how your day will turn out. Nine times out of ten this works. I say 9 out of 10 because, face it, we are human and we are not perfect.

My intention for you today is to pay attention to how your thoughts lead you into negative space. Are you changing your thought so that you can feel empowered? Or are you intentionally writing a script that ends with you feeling awful?

And always remember, we are in this together!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

So you Had a Bad Day.........

Hey Everyone. I woke up this morning and it's cloudy......looks like rain. I have to say that I don't like it when it rains. I appreciate the benefits from rain. My flowers look brighter, my vegetables grow, it cools down. The biggest perk is not having to go anywhere. But, there is something about the rain that affects me. I don't really know the scientific term but I call it "stuck." It seems that when the sun isn't out and I can't go outside and just sit for a moment without bringing an umbrella, I get annoyed. I feel like I have no energy and I just want to do nothing. I have all the tools from the book to get through the day joyfully, but I make a conscious choice to just be blah.

So, is it possible that we make the choice to be miserable? Absolutely! But guess what? Every once in a while, and I mean ONCE IN A WHILE, it is okay to just be blah.

When you begin using my system for living and really make all of the principles habit, it will become second nature to live a joyous life. You will find that your thinking will change and the tools you are learning now to get through the day will become normal. Sitting and being blah all day will be abnormal for you. It will be hard for you to stay in that place. But as I said it is okay to be blah once in a while. It reminds us to be grateful.

Right now, if you haven't read the book yet and are still half living, it is probably hard for you to comprehend what I am saying. Those of you who have read the book and are putting the principles into practice do understand.

Are you ready to begin living? Would you like to have the ability to make the choice of how your day will turn out? If you've answered yes to these questions then you should read the book. Order it and while you are waiting for it to arrive, surf through my previous blogs and begin using the tips that will help you start to understand you.

I promise that if you begin using the tools in "What a Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women" you will find your Power Within. You will feel empowered and know that how you deal with your emotions is a choice. Are you ready to make that choice?

My intention for you today is to make the choice to start living. Choose to live a joyous life.

And always remember, you are not alone!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

How Passionate Are You Really?

Good Morning Everyone. Last night I had my very first radio interview. It was an online radio station called ArtistFirst Network. It was awesome. After it was over, I couldn't sleep. I was wondering why I was so pumped up. Was it because I was excited about getting the word out about the book? Was it because I am just a ham?

The latter could possibly be true, but the reason I think I was so excited was because I was given the opportunity to talk about the book. Prior to the book being published, I would talk a little about it. Since it was published, and I have been actively promoting it, I find that I feel fuller. I have finally figured out what it is. I am living in my passion. How many of you can truly and honestly say that what you are doing in your life is your passion. For you mothers out there, I know that your children are your passion, but what I am talking about here is slightly different.

Like I said on the show last night, my first and foremost priority is my children. I love them and welcome the opportunity to be with them. Yet, there was still a little something missing. There seemed to be a little part of me, that was empty. I started to wonder why I kept getting involved in silly things. Why was I an Ebay addict? Why did I decide that I was going to paint the house, landscape the backyard, open a consignment shop, etc. All of these ideas were actually wonderful, if that was what I was passionate about. But guess what folks, I wasn't.

So, all of these things that I was doing were not only silly, but they were taking away from my family. (Go back and read "on your mark, get set, obsess" blog.) I couldn't find balance because these things were not what I loved to do. They became chores that I had to finish. Yet, I never did. Which ultimately made me feel worse.

Now that I have written this book, I have finally found that piece of me that has been missing. The DJ last night asked me if I always liked to write. I exclaimed, "Yes!" I actually surprised myself. All of my teenage nights writing down my feelings came flooding back. I was hit like a lightening bolt. Of course I love to write. Why didn't I think of that sooner.

Well, life got in the way. All of my responsibilities, real or imagined, took away my focus on me. And isn't that what is truly the most important thing in my life? Me? Because, as I said last night, if I don't like me, nobody else will. If I am not complete, how can I help anyone else.

Do you know what your passion is? For those of you who have read the book, and are following the principles, take out your journals and begin to write about what positive things you loved to do before you became such responsible adults. What made you tingle? What made you feel invinsible? What were you really good at? Start to search for your passion. Try to remember the feeling. Would you like to feel that way again?

My intention for you today is to find your passion, whatever it may be. Take some time for yourself and remember how you used to feel when you were living in your passion.

And always remember, you are not alone.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

You take care of you and I'll take care of me.........



Good Morning Everyone! I have a big question for you this morning. Have your coffee first. Sit down, and put your honesty cap on.

How are you at relationships? Do you feel like you are successful at them, or are you a candidate for "relationships for dummies?"

Well, it is very interesting to me when I speak to people who are having relationship problems. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone, at some time or another, has relationship problems. One of you is growing one way, the other is growing the other way. You may not be interested in the same things. You say potatoe and I say potato. You get my drift.

It is always a little sad when you realize that you and your significant other may not be as alike as you thought. In the beginning, it is always great. (and if it's not, you should rethink this person) You feel like you and them are like peas and carrots. You belong together. So, you get engaged, you plan the wedding, the honeymoon is always fun, etc. Living together is always cute. Your spouse is soooo nice to you. But then.............................

Reality hits like a meteor!!!!!!!

Bills, decisions, his friends, her friends, mother in laws, bad habits, toilet seats, hair in the drain, dishes in the sink, dirty socks on the floor, bathroom sink filled with perfume, etc. Guess what people, you've entered the married zone. Are you hearing me? Good. Keep reading.

At this point in the blog, I am going to stop and call my husband. I am going to thank him for his support, patience, tolerance, love, guidance and his plain leaving me alone when I need it. I am going to do this because, although we have had our difficult times, we've always pulled through. We have always been open to outside help. We look to those who have made it before us and let each other breathe. Divorce is not an option. We keep in mind, and sometimes have to remind each other, that we fell in love with each other for a reason. Most likely he'll reply, "thanks babe, but I'm at work right now?" Don't you just love 'em?

The title of the blog is "You take care of you, and I'll take care of me..." The words following the dots should read.........a survival guide for marriage.

If I had to emphasize one reason why we have stayed together for almost 10 years, (with 3 children ages 7,6,3) I would have to say that it would be giving each other the respect of being their own person. I am not saying that we never do things together, talk to each other or ask each other for advice. I am saying that through experience, working through issues, maturing and learning from others, we have learned how to take care of ourselves first. Keep in mind that while taking care of ourselves, we always have the others best interest in the forefront. Respect is key!

What I mean by taking care of myself, I mean not placing all of my fears, worries, decisions, self esteem issues, etc. on my husband to figure out. Then, when he doesn't tell me what I want to hear, I blame him for the problem. Saying that he never listens or doesn't understand me. We are different. I know that I need to take care of myself emotionally. I need to use all of the tools in my book to get through my day and be happy with the way I feel.

One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned was that I cannot control, I'll say it again, I cannot control, how my husband feels or what he thinks. When I finally learned this, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Because the truth is that 95% of the time (no scientific research conducted), I am not even in the equation. He is thinking something completely different from what I think he is thinking. Usually I just figure he is thinking about me. Why wouldn't he be? I am the center of his universe. Aren't I?

Ladies and Gentlemen. Start taking care of yourselves. Begin using these tips in my blogs to change. Notice the things in your life that hinder your progress and your ability to change. How long will it take for you to realize that everyone else in your life is not the problem? Noone in the world can make you feel bad if you don't allow them to. You have the Power. Discover it, grab hold of it and start to change. You can absolutely do it and I can help.

My intention for you today is to look at the relationship you are in. Is it fulfilling? I don't want you to think you should be dancing on a cloud, but you should at least be skipping! Ask yourself the questions from the beginning of the blog. Write down your answers. In a week, answer those questions again. SEE IF THERE IS A CHANGE!!!!!

And always remember, You are Not Alone.

Visit my website and come discover your Power Within!

Monday, August 21, 2006

How are you seeing things?

Hey Everyone! It's been a couple of days since I blogged last. I have a question for you all. Are you using these daily tips in your life? Are you beginning to see the obstacles in your lives that have been preventing you from being happy?

Every day brings a new issue. We can be the most spiritual, well rounded people on the planet, but life still happens. The world still turns, and we have the choice on a daily basis to pay attention to our worlds or to ignore them.

Some say ignorance is bliss. I say that sometimes, and I mean SOMETIMES, it is good to turn off the world and just be. But, if we turn off the world consistently, we begin to live in a false reality. It's a wonderful thing to be able to live without letting the outside world affect us. But, at what cost? We begin to live in a bubble. And, as we all know, bubbles burst. When that happens, all of the things we have been shielding ourselves from come crashing in. (Remember the tire scenario in a past blog?)

Through my system for living, in What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women, we can live every day, knowing how to deal with each situation that is presented. You are given the tools to work through issues whether they are big or small. All of the blogs I have been writing are reflected in the book and are imperative to living in your power.

So, how are you viewing the issues that are presenting themselves? Are you looking at every situation with the victim mentality? Or, are you seeing these situations as an opportunity for change?

I'll tell you my situation today. I woke up this morning with ear pain and everything I hear through my right ear is amplified and echoed. I spent the weekend filming and editing a movie with my 7 year old son. My first thought was, "why is this happening to me." Immediately, and I mean immediately, my little devil started talking to me. That victim that I used to be jumped up and started talking to me. It was screaming! If I continued listening to that voice, my day would have been filled with aggravation towards my children, because my tolerance was nil. I would not do anything productive or necessary to get through the day and today I wouldn't be living in my power. I would have fallen victim to circumstance.

Because of my book and my system for living, when that thought came to mind, "why is this happening to me", I immediately thought to myself, "thank god it isn't a ringing in my ear. That would be much worse." So, because of the tools I use to process my thoughts and emotions on a different level, and because I live by the tools I've laid out in the book and am consistently working on myself to live in my power, my day will be filled with living in the here and now. Being grateful for what is and not what might be.

Consequently, I called the doctor, made an appointment, and will find out my fate which will probably be some antibiotics and eardrops.

My point today is, that every day we make the choice of how we are going to live. Are we going to live in the reality of what is what? What is real? Knowing, what we can do to change our thoughts and circumstances.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that the thoughts and old tapes don't run. My mental process runs on the downhill slope. If I let myself slide down with it, that is the result I will have in my life. What I am saying is that by living by the tools I have acquired and laid out in the book, I am able to change the thought pattern immediately. Sometimes it takes a little more work, but it is all up to me.

Do you want to live in your power today, or do you want to fall victim to your old thinking? That same thinking that has got you where you are today? As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' for ya?" Remember, the problem isn't you, it's your thinking!

Buy the book and begin to live today. If you can't afford the book, email me and we can talk. My intention is to help others find and begin to walk the path I've found.

Oh, and don't forget to tune in online to Artist First Radio Network Tuesday night at 8:00PM. I am being interviewed about the book. There you will hear what I think, how I sound (remember I have a Bronx accent), and how my life has been blessed by experience. You'll be glad you did.

My intention for you all today is to live in the real world. A world which is not filled with fear, pain and suffering, but a world that is filled with opportunity, love and beauty. I want you to live in the latter and find you power within!

And always remember, you are NOT alone!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Why can't I control this?



Hey Everyone. I'm very late writing my blog today. I had to do, what I had to do! Clean! Yuck........Anyway, my house is sparkly clean and now I am doing my most favorite thing, blogging. How many of you get super jammed up when things happen in your life that you have absolutely no control over? Do you find your mind racing in a thousand different directions conjuring up every possible negative scenario? Are you human?

If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you are right where you're supposed to be. As humans, it is normal for us to slip into the negative SOMETIMES! If you find that you are slipping into this place a lot, then you need to look at what it is that you are not seeing. What is it about yourself that needs to CONTROL EVERYTHING? That's right people, I said it. You might be a control freak. I'm sorry to say it ladies, but a lot of us are.

I would have to say that it most definately comes from childhood. When we were children, many of us felt like we had no control over anything. We began to do things that we could control. Sometimes, it was abuse of a substance, shopping, eating, or not eating, and any other negative thing you can think of.

On the other hand, some of us out there actually went the positive route. We decided to take charge of things and join a sport or get a hobby, some played music, etc. The course we decided, whether we knew it or not, to take tells us a lot about our personalities and would probably describe why we are the way we are today. Just look at how you deal with situations. When something happens that you cannot control, do you freak out and take the negative route, or do you look at it in a positive light, knowing that everything will, in the end, be okay? Are you a glass half full or half empty person?

I know, I know, you've heard this all before, but have you changed? Because that's the really important thing. It's not just knowing what the issue is, it's changing it. Of course, knowledge is a huge part of changing, but what I think, and this is my personal opinion, changing is the real important part. Because I know plenty of people who know what their problem is, but are too full of fear, or too ignorant, or both, to make the change. Remember what I've said in past blogs and in my book, everything is a choice. Noone can make the choice for you, and noone can stop you from making the change.

Are you ready for change today? If so, purchase What A Difference A Day Makes and find your Power Within. Go to my website and sign up for my newsletter.

And remember, you are not alone.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Are you enjoying yourself?


Good Morning Everyone! I wanted to answer a question that many of you have been asking me. No, I am not up at 3:00AM writing my blog. My timestamp is on Pacific time. So, add three hours. I am not that devoted!!! (Ha! Ha!) Back to today's topic.

How many of you can honestly say that you enjoy your day? By this I mean, can you pick out one time a day that you would write down in your journal so you don't forget the feeling? How long has it been since you've thought to yourself, "I wouldn't trade my life with anyone!"
(Remember the grass is always greener blog?)

Well, I ask these questions because sometimes, we are so caught up in getting things done to make our lives better, we forget to enjoy the lives we have. Now this is one of the main points I try to get across in the book, but how many of you can identify with that? If you get what I'm saying say out loud, "I get it!"

One of the things I love to do most, and don't do often enough, is laugh. Now I don't mean a little giggle, I mean a deep, down in the belly, tears streaming, laugh. When was the last time you did that?

I have at least two friends that I can either call or get together with that can make me laugh like that. There are not many people who can, but you must know one. Some of you who are reading this can laugh like this all the time and to you I say, "Right on!!!!!" Some may say you are silly, but I say you've got the right idea. For those of you who find it difficult to pull this laugh out, I say start searching. Seek out those who you have lost touch with for one reason or another and become re-acquainted. For the women, these people can become part of your circle.

If you don't know someone who can do this, you must have seen a movie, or a comedian or something in your lifetime that brought this laught up.

Find it! I'll say it again. Find it!!!!!!

When I laugh this way, some calling it being hysterical (the good hysterical), I can actually feel something being released inside of me. And, when I am done, I can use a nap. Because it releases stress. It releases a build up of bottled up stress that is stuck deep down in you belly. (For lack of a better word, I told you I'm not a doctor)

You've all heard of Laugh Therapy, well let's call this Kerri Therapy. Find this laugh..... and What A Difference........it will make. Enjoying yourself is not difficult to do if you notice what is around you.

For those of you with children, just watch them. Watch them enjoy everything they engage in. (not the screaming parts) When you see them in the midst of a good time, shake off the age thing and join in. Become the old you for a few minutes. Be silly. Let go of what you been tainted with as an adult and dance. You will be amazed at the feeling. You will be enchanted again and find your inner child. (Uh oh, I used a psychological word!!!) You know what I mean. You'll have fun!!

Read the blogs from this week. Start using the daily tips in your life. Keep a journal. Call your sisters, or for the guys, men. You can find your power within. You can feel alive. Truly alive. Becoming willing to change, and you will notice the difference in your life.

My intention for you all today is to find that laugh! Find it and revel in it. You'll be glad you did.

And always remember, you are not alone!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Don't fix it if it ain't broken!


Hey Everyone! Sorry my blog is late today. I tried doing something on my computer last night and screwed it up somehow. I finally got it going, which leads me to my topic today.

Did you ever notice that we are always trying to change things that are already working fine? Why do I have to make my computer wireless when I'm only sitting two feet away from the connection? Do we do these things because we are bored? Do we do these things because we just like to shake things up?

These may seem like difficult questions, but they are actually quite simple if we are able to look at ourselves honestly. Sometimes I find that I change things up just to bring a little chaos into my life. I thrive on drama. (Many of you can identify!)

The problem is that when we are caught up in the drama, we can't see it. We can't see that we are purposely bringing problems into our lives. This becomes toxic. (Look at old blogs to read about toxic people) It is absolutely clear to me and to others who have read my book, that when we are missing something, whatever that may be, we focus on other things.

If I am afraid to do something, whether it be succeed with the book, or achieve something that my old tapes tell me I shouldn't, I do things subconsciously to screw it up. I focus on things that, in the grand scheme of things, really don't matter. Inadvertently not focusing on what I should be. Psycho mumbo jumbo, etc.

Just know this! If you are doing things that are making you crazy, stop, sit, listen, look around you, and realize what it is, and STOP IT!!!!! Turn the TV off! Shut down the computer! Cancel some of those playdates! Don't go to TARGET! Read my book! (a little promotion)

Just be! I'll say it again. Just Be!!!!!!!

I want you to make these declarations while looking in the mirror! Say each three times!

Say this out loud, "I am what I am!" (your not popeye)
Say this out loud, "It is what it is!"
Say this out loud, "Everything will work out!"

Whenever you find yourself stirring up the pot, make the declarations again, knowing that they are true. Believe them! And, if you can't believe them now, keep saying them. One day you will wake up and say to yourself, "I am what I am," and you will know intuitively, that it is true and that you love yourself.

My wish for you all today is to be happy in your skin.
Remember, you are not alone!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Do you have the music in you?

Hey Everyone. Hope this finds everyone well and feeling fine. Today I was talking to someone who was having trouble letting go of certain feelings. Whenever I counsel someone on this topic, I always stress the importance of emptying out the garbage in their heads. It is so important. But, some people have a harder time than others doing this. Why can some of us find release and others cannot? It's the million dollar question! Nonetheless, it is imperative!

Have you ever noticed how music affects you? Everyone has that certain song that, when they hear it, can bring up an emotion they haven't felt in years. I know that I am extremely affected by music. Maybe because I am a musician. Maybe because I've always used music as a tool to feel. Anyway, music can be the key to unlock your "stuff."

Many times when I am doing some mundane activity, or just in the house alone, etc, I will turn on the radio or a cd and the music will instantly lift my spirit. On the other end of that, if I am sad, I will turn on some music and it will help me to release the sadness. Music will change the mood of any child. Here's a tip! If your kids are driving you nuts, turn on some silly songs (as my neice Ariana calls them) and watch your children transform. Join them! Dance around for a while and don't worry about the blinds being open. You'll be revived.

Today I want you to turn on some music you haven't listed to in a while. Dance around or just sit and listen. Notice how it affects you and remember to use this tool the next time you need it. Just remember, you are not alone.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Should I feel this?



Hey Everyone. I haven't blogged in a couple of days. It's been rough, but I am moving forward with my life now having lost my brother and know that he is in a better place.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes when we are feeling pain that we have no control over, we will try anything to change the feeling. Isn't just feeling the emotion enough? Why do we deflect and try to be what everyone else wants us to be? Could this pose a problem? I say yes!

The problem is that while we are trying to be "strong" and continually stuffing these feelings, they are building up inside of us and as we all know, eventually they will come out. And when they come out, we may not recognize what it is. Feeling sadness, anger, fear, etc is extremely important. Giving ourselves the time to feel is giving ourselves a gift. It softens us and helps us to feel human. I also think it changes us just enough to make us stronger and enables us to be able to live our lives honestly and openly.

It is okay to cry! I'll say it again. It is okay to cry!! I think that tears from the soul slowly deplete us of the junk and garbage that is stuck. Picture a tire filled with air. As you slowly let the air out, it softly relieves the pressure that has built up so that we can work on the tire, patch it up and refill it with new clean air so that it is strong again and can hold up the vehicle that it supports. When there is a blow out, all hell breaks loose. Things are torn and shattered and that vehicle is damaged beyond repair. Now, think of this in terms of our bodies. When we slowly release the pressure of all of these emotions we are feeling, through tears or words, etc, we are given the opportunity to build ourselves up again with new, fresh, positive things that will make us stronger and enable us to carry ourselves (our vehicles) in a whole new light. We are better. When we have a blow out, what happens? We are thrown into a place that we may not be able to recover from. Now, I think there is always able to recover, but why do we place ourselves in that situation in the first place.

Listen to me and listen to your body. Follow the principles in my book, What a Difference A Day Makes, and learn how to relieve the pressure that has been building up for so long. Give yourselves the gift of feeling. Remember, you are not alone.

Today I want you to listen to your bodies. If you are experiencing emotional pain or are just plain jammed up, begin the process of relieving your pressure. Shed some tears. Feel good that you are being good to yourselves, and be proud of yourselves for being honest. I promise that you will begin to feel better.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Sadness Overwhelmes Me Today

Good Morning Everyone. Sadness Overwhelmes me today. We lost my brother Billy yesterday. He leaves a wife, a 3 year old child and a very sad family. His time had come and despite all of his efforts to stay on this earth, God wanted him back.

How do we deal with this sadness? First comes grief, that's where I am right now, next I expect anger. But who am I going to be angry with. Certainly not God. Certainly not my brother. Who do I place blame on? Because isn't that what we do when we have no control over circumstance. Am I mourning for myself. That I will never see or speak to my oldest brother again who was full of love for his child and wife. What will I tell his little girl? How will his wife go on without him?

This is a tough one.

I think we create bubbles around our lives, always feeling for those who lose loved ones, but this is my first time I've lost someone so close. Do I think he will be okay? Absolutely! He is in the light, explaining himself at the gate. If I know Billy, he and St. Peter are having a good chuckle. But what happens to all those who mourn him. We are not chuckling now, but, I am sure that sooner than later, my thoughts of sadness and pain will be replaced with fond memories, gratitude and love for my brother who, despite his drawbacks was a wonderful person.

I write my blog today because I know that if I put my feelings out there in the universe, my higher power will grab on to them and take them. I send my love on the wings of the eagle up to Heaven where my brother will grab hold of them and wait patiently for us all to meet him there one day. He will walk with me as I live out this wonderful life that I have been blessed with. He will guide me on the path of love and light as I so desperately try to guide others. He will console me tomorrow when I sit with my family grieving. Although he will be lifeless in sight, his spirit will be dancing beside me. Making silly noises and faces. Doing the things I will remember him for.

I am sad, there is no doubt. But I know that I will be okay and that all of us who will forever miss Billy will be alright. After all, for us, life goes on! How will we choose to move forward? Will we live in a blanket of fear and self doubt? Afraid to love so when we lose it doesn't affect us? Or will we choose to put ourselves out there and give all of the love and gifts that we've been blessed with, taking the chance that we may lose again? I choose the latter. Because I choose to be human today. I choose to soar with the eagles. I hope you all can join me there in that place of living.

I thank you all for your support and good wishes. I thank my God for his gifts. And I say a final farewell to my brother who I loved so much. He always loved to hear me sing. This morning I sat on my back deck and said, "Well Bill, now I will sing to you whenever you want." All of my songs are for him. He's in the arms of the angels. He's finally found comfort there.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Are you feeling Grateful today?

Good Morning Everyone. I normally don't blog on Saturday because I am spending time with my family. But, I woke up this morning at 5:00AM and couldn't help but think about being grateful. Yesterday, an article was in my local newspaper about my book What A Difference a Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women. The name of the paper is The Newtown Bee. Now, it wasn't the New York Times or Oprah, but nonetheless, I was blown away. This reporter, Shannon Hicks, put so much heart and thought into this article. It was a whole page in the paper! It spoke about the book, my blogs, and even my seminars that I eventually would like to get together for women. (and men if they would like)

I am not so much tooting my horn about the article as I am feeling obligated to get this overwhelming feeling of gratitude out there in the universe. Sometimes, we don't recognize that when we are feeling so full of positive thoughts, that we should share them. Because isn't that how this universe works. I feel good, I share it with someone, then they feel good. They share it with someone, etc, etc, etc. You get the picture?

I couldn't help but think about something that happened the other day. Someone asked me the question; What are you truly grateful for today? Now, there are so many things for me to be grateful for I couldn't even list them all. But amongst all things that flooded my mind, the one thing that stood out was that I was grateful the most, at that very moment, for the opportunity of going into my daughter's room every morning, laying down next to her, and singing to her until she wakes up. That's what I was grateful for. My heart swells at this moment while I repeat the words. It's such a miracle to have this gift, actually three little gifts, in my life plus my husband. I'm just a kid from the Bronx that hung out on the street thinking of ways to make a little money. I never could have imagined in my wild dreams that my life would be what it is today.

You see, anyone can have a good life. Anyone, no matter what their circumstances, can stand up, shake off the dust, get rid of the garbage in their heads, move forward and be happy. I know some of you are gagging right now, but for those of you who understand what I am talking about, know!

Well, I think I've said enough for a Saturday morning. I hope you all have a safe and healthy weekend. Thanks for reading. I look forward to blogging again on Monday.

Happy Saturday!!!!!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Moving Furniture Around?


Good Morning Everyone. Some of you may be viewing this blog from other countries or other parts of the US, but I have to say, here in Newtown CT it is HOT!!!!! The last couple of days have been brutal. Even my kids don't want to go outside in the pool. (my little blow up one in the backyard) It was too hot to even get in!

Well, anyway, I found myself sitting at this computer WAY TOO MUCH! So, I decided to go through the house and de-clutter. Getting rid of all the, excuse my slang, crap in the house gives me a feeling of freedom. It may sound silly, but I know that some, if not most, can identify with that.

Filling up those bags to donate or just trash really feels good. It's very similar to when we dump all of our bad thoughts and feelings out on someone who will listen (Circle of Sisterhood?), or dump it on a page in our journal (Journaling For Sanity?), or give it to our higher power (Meditating for Wisdom?). Remember, put it in a bubble and let it float away!

So, I decided that my kids were watching too much television. I proceeded to move the tv out of the living room into the little tiny room at the end of the house. And, guess what? Now, they're all sitting in that little room on the end of the house. Well, at least the living room will stay clean. I then decided that my two girls, Anna (6) and Charlotte(3), would probably sleep better in their room if they were in the same bed. So, I pushed their two little twin beds together. They loved it! All of a sudden, they thought the giant bed was a trampoline! So much for sleep.

The reason I am writing all of this is that sometimes we have to do what we can do to keep our sanity. Whether it be listening to music and dancing, or cleaning out the linen closet, or going through all of those photographs in those boxes. You get my drift? Either way we can take pride in our homes and know that we are doing something positive, however small it may seem.

Today is a light blog day. Take it easy on yourself. It's Friday and you made it through the week, hopefully with a new outlook on your daily life. For those of you who bought the book and are working through it applying the principles in you're lives, Right on! If you have any questions, or don't understand something, email me. I'll be happy to help you out. Remember, we are all in this together.

Have a great weekend. Talk to you all again on Monday!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Whose Voice is that?


Good Morning Everyone. Another day, another blog. I hope you are all enjoying these blogs everyday. Remember to let me know what you think and if there is anything you would like me to focus on one day.

How many of you realize that everything we do and everything we say and how we carry out our lives and days is very closely related to our childhoods? On the flip side, many of us do the opposite of anything that remotely resembles childhood.

It's a very difficult thing to shake off the dust of our pasts.
We all have that little piece of our personalities that we try to avoid. Mine is my tough exterior. Growing up in the Bronx, NY, I learned at an early age to be tough. I refused to let anyone get to me. If I cried, I was angry. I never allowed myself to feel. Crying was for the weak and I was tough and strong and........very lonely!

That was the end result of all my efforts to be someone nobody would mess with. As I got older, I started to realize that all of these facades I had put into place in my life were not helping me. Oh no, they were preventing me from becoming the beautiful women that I could become. Holding on to my old ways created a sort of shield from people getting close to me. I had to change.

Isn't it true for many of us that when we are hurt emotionally, that we sort of regress into a child. Whether it be hiding in your room or turning off the offender? When my children would be naughty, I would innately handle them the way I would have handled a bully as a child. I would try to scare them into submitting to my demands. This didn't last because no matter how hard I tried to be the old me, my children loved me still. That unconditional love that only a child can give a mother. It softened me. It made me see what I was doing. And guess what? It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

That voice in my head, little Kerri, hiding in her room, was forced to come out and be mom. I was forced to realize that I am mommy now. The hiding doesn't work anymore. The tough act doesn't work anymore. The loving and caring and nurturing Kerri absolutely works. Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way a pushover, but I am a little easier to nudge.

I am talking about this today because I want you all to take a good look at yourselves and see how you react to situations. When someone hurts you, do you retreat, or do you embrace? Do you embrace the situation as a learning lesson. Do you take the opportunity to say to yourself, "why is this so painful?" "Why am I so effected by this?" What part of your personality is still so fragile? When you find the answer to this question, embrace it. Find the root and yank it out of the ground.

We all have skeletons in our closets. Some we can see and some are buried way in the back. Unfortunately, we don't decide when they will emerge. All I know is that when they do, and they do, I am going and have been ready to face them. Will you? This is where your Circle of Sisterhood, Journaling, and Meditation, etc will make the difference. All of these principle outlined in my book are what is going to make the difference. When we clear out the garbage that we've been holding on to for so long, we are able to plant new trees. We are able to watch them grow and know that our children will nurture them and take care of them. Because at the very end, isn't it our children who are most important. Because, remember, they will become us. Do you want your daughters to become who you are now, or become the empowered women that you have the ability to become.

You have the "Power Within" to be the women you want your daughters to be. Come join the journey with me and together we will never look back.Have a great day and remember, you are not alone.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Why do we care so much?


Have you ever noticed that a lot of things that we do in life and the decisions we make are based on what other people might think? When did we become so concerned with other people's opinions? Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

Well, I've blogged about this before and I am going to do it again because it seems to be a recurring discussion amongst the women I am in contact with.

I think it can all be chalked up to experience. When I first had children and went out into public, I definately cared about what other women were thinking. The crooked looks and the awful stares. I would constantly second guess myself and actually get angry with my children for the scenes they were creating. How ridiculous is that? Caring about what other people, people I don't know and probably will never see again, think about how I am raising my children. I cannot press upon you all how important it is to believe in yourselves. If you know in your heart that you are doing what is right, whether it be with your family or anything else, you must consistently remind yourself of this. Something that helps me with this is making a statement to myself. Not out loud because then people will think you're crazy too. I will say to myself, "Will this matter tomorrow or even in 15 minutes?"

Now if you know deep down in your heart that you are not doing the right thing related to your children and such, then you should read yesterday's blog about honesty. Some of us find it much easier just to let things slide, but unfortunately, that becomes a habit and spins out of control. Remember, everything you do on a consistent basis whether it be action or thought becomes habit. Habits are fairly easy to put into place but are very difficult to break. All of you smokers out there understand that.

One of the best ways to start to become more confident in your convictions related to people pleasing is to do something you dread and make it fun. Sit on that park bench with your kids running wild and enjoying themselves. When you get one of those dreaded looks or comments, just smile and say, "kids will be kids." Or, if you're in the supermarket and your child is a little bit excited, look at the other mother's or that old lady who forgot what it was like to be a mother with small children and say, "Aren't they wonderful?"

For those of you who don't have children and and are still in the "single" world, wear that dress that you love but you think everyone else won't like. Turn up your music and don't worry about the neighbors. Jump for Joyfullness and truly feel it in your bones because remember, we all have the "Power Within" to become whoever and whatever we want to be.

Today I want you to be confident and remember to smile at yourself in the mirror. Listen to some music you haven't listened to in a long time. Have that Frappucino.

You'd be amazed at how others will admire your sense of confidence. But we don't care about what others think anymore, Right?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Is honesty the best policy?



Good Morning Everyone! Is honestly the best policy? I have to say that throughout my book, this is the most important. One of the reasons people find it so difficult to change aspects of their lives or how they are living it is because it takes brutal honesty to look at yourself and accept what the truth is. Let me give you a little example of what I am talking about.

A while back, I started really getting into Ebay. It started out small and before you knew it, I was selling everything in the house. Next, I started going to stores and buying things on sale and reselling them. It was an all day, every day activity that took up all of my time. I figured the kids could fend for themselves since I was "working." At night, when my husband came home, I would be clicking away on the laptop. Click, click, clickety click. That made for a great relationship.

Finally, one day, I stopped and looked around and said, "What the hell am I doing?" My house was like a thrift shop. My music room was jammed with used and new clothes. I had become a pack rat. Needless to say, I had to be brutally honest with myself. A change had to be made! I had to ask myself, "Why did I let this get so out of control?" After some honest soul searching and multiple donations to Goodwill, I realized that I was trying to fill something up inside of me that was missing. Now, when a mother says that there is something missing inside, she feels like she is a bad mother. Guilt! How could I feel like I was missing something when I have such a beautiful family? The truth is that I am not just a mother! I am a wife, sister, aunt, daughter, and woman. It's a difficult thing to accept.

Change is necessary. Change is good. Change is the hardest thing to accomplish.

What I am saying is that if we are honest with ourselves about who we really are, wonderful things can emerge. You will see life with a new perspective. When you read "What A Difference A Day Makes: A Survival Guide for Women" remember that the one constant is to be completely honest. In the beginning it may be difficult, but as with all change and all things we do on a daily basis, it will become habit.

Today I want you to pay attention to how honest you are with yourself. When you find yourself settling for a situation or making up excuses, look at yourself. Think about how honest you are being. You'll see the difference!