You take care of you and I'll take care of me.........

Good Morning Everyone! I have a big question for you this morning. Have your coffee first. Sit down, and put your honesty cap on.

How are you at relationships? Do you feel like you are successful at them, or are you a candidate for "relationships for dummies?"

Well, it is very interesting to me when I speak to people who are having relationship problems. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone, at some time or another, has relationship problems. One of you is growing one way, the other is growing the other way. You may not be interested in the same things. You say potatoe and I say potato. You get my drift.

It is always a little sad when you realize that you and your significant other may not be as alike as you thought. In the beginning, it is always great. (and if it's not, you should rethink this person) You feel like you and them are like peas and carrots. You belong together. So, you get engaged, you plan the wedding, the honeymoon is always fun, etc. Living together is always cute. Your spouse is soooo nice to you. But then.............................

Reality hits like a meteor!!!!!!!

Bills, decisions, his friends, her friends, mother in laws, bad habits, toilet seats, hair in the drain, dishes in the sink, dirty socks on the floor, bathroom sink filled with perfume, etc. Guess what people, you've entered the married zone. Are you hearing me? Good. Keep reading.

At this point in the blog, I am going to stop and call my husband. I am going to thank him for his support, patience, tolerance, love, guidance and his plain leaving me alone when I need it. I am going to do this because, although we have had our difficult times, we've always pulled through. We have always been open to outside help. We look to those who have made it before us and let each other breathe. Divorce is not an option. We keep in mind, and sometimes have to remind each other, that we fell in love with each other for a reason. Most likely he'll reply, "thanks babe, but I'm at work right now?" Don't you just love 'em?

The title of the blog is "You take care of you, and I'll take care of me..." The words following the dots should read.........a survival guide for marriage.

If I had to emphasize one reason why we have stayed together for almost 10 years, (with 3 children ages 7,6,3) I would have to say that it would be giving each other the respect of being their own person. I am not saying that we never do things together, talk to each other or ask each other for advice. I am saying that through experience, working through issues, maturing and learning from others, we have learned how to take care of ourselves first. Keep in mind that while taking care of ourselves, we always have the others best interest in the forefront. Respect is key!

What I mean by taking care of myself, I mean not placing all of my fears, worries, decisions, self esteem issues, etc. on my husband to figure out. Then, when he doesn't tell me what I want to hear, I blame him for the problem. Saying that he never listens or doesn't understand me. We are different. I know that I need to take care of myself emotionally. I need to use all of the tools in my book to get through my day and be happy with the way I feel.

One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned was that I cannot control, I'll say it again, I cannot control, how my husband feels or what he thinks. When I finally learned this, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Because the truth is that 95% of the time (no scientific research conducted), I am not even in the equation. He is thinking something completely different from what I think he is thinking. Usually I just figure he is thinking about me. Why wouldn't he be? I am the center of his universe. Aren't I?

Ladies and Gentlemen. Start taking care of yourselves. Begin using these tips in my blogs to change. Notice the things in your life that hinder your progress and your ability to change. How long will it take for you to realize that everyone else in your life is not the problem? Noone in the world can make you feel bad if you don't allow them to. You have the Power. Discover it, grab hold of it and start to change. You can absolutely do it and I can help.

My intention for you today is to look at the relationship you are in. Is it fulfilling? I don't want you to think you should be dancing on a cloud, but you should at least be skipping! Ask yourself the questions from the beginning of the blog. Write down your answers. In a week, answer those questions again. SEE IF THERE IS A CHANGE!!!!!

And always remember, You are Not Alone.

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